there's a man going 'round takin' names
and he decides who to free and who to blame
everybody won't be treated all the same
there will be a golden letter reaching down
when the man comes around

the man.

the big man in the sky.

the man on the white horse.

the man with the noose.

the man in the black suit.

heh.



i've been having the same dream.

the man in the suit holding a body.

one of the four beasts saying "come and see"

i don't know who it is.

but i know it's someone close to me.




i don't know if he's trying to warn me or scare me. or maybe both.





you can't have her, you bastard.

this is between us. don't you dare make this about her.

don't you dare...











i'm scared.

Just a Heads Up

To let you know that if you don't hear from us, we're still alive. It's just...you know, end of the school year, finals coming up, I'm going to be studying like mad and all. You might hear from Daniel, though. He really has nothing to do, poor guy. I'm surprised he doesn't complain about being bored more often.

Also, I heard about...

...You know what's awful is that it's such a nice day outside. No one should have to die on a day like this.

I'm so sorry, Ava.

Reach...thank you. For everything you've done for us.

~Alora

one: happy easter. glad to be alive.

two: yeah, we know about the computer. alora kept booting me off every three seconds to read the comments people are leaving. it's...pretty surreal.

three: the self-mind reading was a success and...

and i know now.

i know why i ended up like this.

it was in there, locked up. i mean that literally. when i...went inside my own mind, i don't know what you'd call it, i was in a room. it was a disaster. there were boxes everywhere, some opened and dumped over, some closed, all stacked haphazardly. there was dust everywhere, and the walls were covered in writing.

i'm not crazy. i'm not a monster. open the box open the box. don't open the box. he is coming. he will find you.

the handwriting was my own. i guess i'm crazier than i thought.

but i wasn't the only one there, because when i looked up from the writing on the walls...

he was there.

and the man in red.

and i was there. except it was me before all of this, with no scars and a voice. other me had a rope around his neck, not that he showed any signs he wanted to run away. he was just sitting on the ground, writing on the walls more. muttering.

hello daniel

i remembered that voice.

there's something we want to show you daniel

and the man in red handed me a key.

i wasn't sure i wanted to take it. if he wanted me to see it, it must be bad. but then other me looked at me. met my eyes and nodded.

i took the key.

the key opened one of the boxes, and in the box was a memory.

i had been investigating a series of murders in my town. the murders i remembered before...we had no idea who was responsible. we just thought it was another human being. a very sick human being, granted, but a human nonetheless.

we didn't have any leads. then i received the note.

the tutorial. getuphigh.blogspot.com

that was when it started. i read so many of the blogs. some of the people i know now...dreams in darkness...that's how i knew their names, scott. it was that blog that made me realize this wasn't just a game.

i had two theories. one, someone had also read these blogs and decided it would be fun to play slender man.

the other...

well, maybe this was real.

of course, i didn't tell anyone about that theory. how could i? if i walked up to the police chief and announced that i thought the murders were being performed by an eldritch abomination that shouldn't exist, i would be laughed out of the station. i didn't even tell alice.

i was about to tell the others about the first theory, when i received another message. this time it was a voice message, telling me to meet him at this old cabin near some woods. i did the stupid thing and went by myself. i was a bit of a moron back then.

but i didn't really know what i was dealing with. i mean...i knew what slender man was, i knew about his mooks, and i knew what both were capable of. but i wasn't quite willing to believe it was real. not entirely.

when i went to the location, i met him for the first time. a man in a red sweater, standing in the darkest corner of the room.

he said his name was redlight.

he told me that it was slender man who was killing those people, and that they weren't important. i was the one he wanted to talk to. he told me that i had certain abilities. i know what he was talking about now, but at the time i thought he was just talking out his ass. then he told me that he was like me. and there were other redlights like me. not many, but they existed. and he wanted me to work for them.

he wanted me to be a redlight.

i turned him down, partially because i thought the entire thing was bullshit, and partially because i knew what redlight could do, and i wasn't going to be a part of it. i went to leave and when i turned around...

he was there. slender man, in the flesh. everything seemed to stop. i couldn't move, i could barely breathe. and let me tell you, he did not look happy, but his anger was directed at redlight. redlight was talking to slender man, and i don't remember all of what he said because i wasn't paying attention. i was torn between panicking and trying to figure out how to get out of there. but before i could figure anything out, slender man was looking at me. and i heard his voice in my head: you will join me

come to me

and...i wanted to.

he was terrifying and repulsive and i knew what he had done, but i wanted to. i wanted to join him. i even took a few steps towards him.

but--and i don't know how i did this--i snapped out of it. i actually pulled out my gun and told him i wasn't going anywhere with him. i think i may have said that he was under arrest, because that would explain why redlight started laughing.

slender man did it again, but this time he pushed harder. come to me, child

i remember walking towards him, even though i didn't want to. i was inches from him when i managed to make my feet stop. i looked up into his blank face. i...i can't remember ever being more scared...ever. there was really only one thing left i could do: shoot the bastard.

i might as well have shot a rock for all the good it did, but i shot him. and he wasn't pleased by that.

when i woke up, i was tied to some chair. redlight was there...although it may have been a different redlight, i don't know. he looked shorter. it was hard to tell. my head hurt like hell. "so," said redlight, "are you going to reconsider our offer?"

my response: "you're going to get in a lot of trouble for this."

"that's what you think, daniel. now answer the question."

"that's officer smith to you. and the answer is no."

redlight pulled out a knife. "i don't think you fully understand the gravity of the situation. you can either join us, or you can suffer the consequences. so, what's it going to be?"

"my answer's the same. now let me go."

redlight pressed the knife against my face. it was so sharp that i didn't realize it'd pierced the skin until i felt blood drip down my face. "this is your last chance, 'officer'. join us, or what happens to you next will be your own fault."

"...no."

there was a few seconds of silence. i thought i was going to die.

i almost wish he had just killed me.

what happened after was...blurry. but i know that he started with my face, carving the operator symbol into it, then...a needle, thread, pulling my mouth shut so i couldn't scream. then they moved on to my hands. there was a lot of blood...but...it got worse. so much worse. because my memories were next and...

i...can't even describe...

it was worse than all the pain. it was worse than the fear. it was even worse than what happened with slender man earlier in the month. i was...i was helpless, completely helpless...

i was losing myself.

and then everything went dark, and i was standing in the room again. slender man was still there, and so was redlight and other me. before i could ask why they'd shown me that, i was suddenly bombarded with memories. the things i've had to do since i met alora. the proxies i killed. the fact that i had to wipe her mind.

and other things i've done. before, i didn't know i had powers, but i was still able to use them unconsciously. i'd...i'd manipulated people. i...i even used them on alice once. i didn't know, but still i did that.

when it was over, redlight spoke: "that is why we approached you, daniel. you are more like us than you're willing to admit. you belong with us. you just needed a little...initiative to see that.

"the offer is still open. you can join us, daniel. you should join us."

slender man said nothing.

and i actually considered the offer.

because...i really believed him.

and then i remembered what all of you said. and i remembered what redlight had done to me. and then i got pissed. and it just so happens that yes, i can randomly summon weapons while in my own mind, because (as alora put it when i told her about it), "it's my f*cking mind, i can do what i want. bitch."

i took out redlight first--crowbar to the head, and it felt a lot better than it should. but when i turned, slender man wasn't there. he was standing on the other side of the room, just looking at me.

so be it

and then he left.

it was just me and other me. when i turned to face him, he was smiling.

and then i woke up.

what i learned from this situation:

1. i am a moron.

2. slender man kept me alive because he wanted to see if he could use me.

3. since i refused him, he will probably focus on killing me now.

4. i dislike having these powers more than ever now.

5. knowing what happened to me doesn't make things any easier. but at least i know.

sorry about the massive post. a lot of things happened.

and you know what? i actually feel better. i don't know why, but i do. if nothing else, i know that i can resist in some way.

but i think things got a lot more dangerous.

-daniel

a question

are frequent nosebleeds...normal, considering my situation?

i've been having them since...that day. and they've been getting worse. alora's freaked out and frankly so am i.

and...

the dreams have been getting worse.

he's always there, even in the ones that aren't nightmares. just in the background. watching me.

and the man in the red sweater...



i think i'm losing my mind.

alora, please don't read this

i'm sorry

i have to...




if i don't tell someone about this, i'll lose it and i can't lose it right now.



he isn't faceless, you know.

when i woke up in the woods and he stalked me, i...at one point, i tried to hide in some bushes and he found me. grabbed me by the neck.

showed me his face.

he...

it only looks like has no face because the skin isn't...there aren't any breaks, no eyelids or anything, if he wants to open his eyes he has to tear the skin and...i don't...

he has to tear the skin, and it bleeds, and his eyes are so black...

and his mouth has to tear open too, and the sound if you've ever heard flesh tearing you know what it sounds like and i can't get it out of my head...and...his teeth...the mouth, it's not the right size, and the teeth...

and when i looked into his eyes, it was like i was standing on the edge of nothing. that's what was in those eyes, nothing. just black emptiness, going on forever.

i don't see how he could trick people into finding him comforting because he's not, he's not comforting, he's a monster, he's an abyss, he is the nothingness in those eyes. ancient, dark, hateful, terror.

every time i close my eyes i see that face and he won't go away.



and when he took us both...

alora, poor alora, he went after her the worst.

he must have known...

and then...




the things i did in there, the things i had to do...





there were...there were these proxies, and...

i killed them.

i killed all of them, every last one.

i told alora to cover her ears and sing to drown it out, and i...i just killed them.

they...they were people, they had families, one was a girl about alora's age...maybe younger, but i killed her too. and the way she looked at me when i did it...














chimere is right.

he rapes the mind.

pain, that's all i felt, he took all my memories and twisted them and perverted them, and the pain, the pain, but it was worse when he started on her. so much worse because i couldn't do anything. i couldn't move, i could barely breathe, the last thing i heard before i passed out was her screams.

i wanted to help her...

dammit, i'm supposed to keep her safe...






i kept her safe by violating her too.

she might forgive me, but i...i don't think i can forgive myself.

i know she said it was the right thing to, and so did all of you, but you haven't been through what i've been through, you don't know what it's like waking up to know that someone has screwed with your mind. dammit, i still don't have all my memories back. i may know who i am, and i may remember bits and peices about my past, but there are gaps. the gaps are huge. i gave her gaps. i did that to her.




redlight is right. i am a monster.

i...i...

i just...

what he did...

i don't...




i don't...i can't talk about it right now.



i passed out at some point and when i woke up...alora was there but it wasn't alora. it was...someone else inside alora, i don't know. she said her name was chimere and she tried to explain it to me, but my head hurt, so i wasn't really registering what was going on.

she doesn't act like alora at all. it's...i don't even know how to feel.

but...she told me...

she told me there was something i needed to do to help alora. she said i needed to make her forget. i needed to make her forget what had happened today, or most of what happened this week if i could.

i told her no. i told her that i didn't know if i could do that and even if i could i wasn't going to. i wasn't going to invade her like that, i wasn't going...

and she told me...she said, "daniel, do you know what's going to happen to her if you just let her stay like this? i'm not going to stay here forever, and when she wakes up, she is going to be a mess. do you know what she's been through? at least you have your bullshit mind powers. you could fight back. she couldn't fight back. he violated her and she was defenseless. she's going to wake up and remember everything, and that will drive her insane. she might never recover. i know that if you could make yourself forget everything that happened this week, everything you did, and everything he did to you, you'd do it. it's a thousand times worse for her. if you don't try, then she will go through hell. do you understand? you have to try."



...she was right.

so i...

i'm able to...

she...







i couldn't make the memories go away entirely, but specifics are gone...it'll just be a blur of awfulness, everything that happened today, the woods, some of the stuff that happened since last sunday...it's just smudged, she'll know what happened was terrible, but she won't be able to remember exactly what happened...




i just went inside her mind like that...uninvited...messing with her memories like that...














tell me i did the right thing.

please, tell me i did the right thing...

i'm trapped in the room.

the door won't open and when i look out the windows, all i see is nothing.

me and alora are holed up in the corner. she's still completely out of it...and now the lights are flickering, hell...

he's coming.







if we don't make it...

i'm sorry.











i love you, alice.

boycotting april fool's day

because every day i remember more and more little things and i'm starting to remember that this "holiday" sucked.

why? because either my coworkers were annoying or the teenagers in town were annoying. tp'ing things is not okay. i just thought i should throw that out there.

why are people even getting drunk on april fool's day? i can hear them outside, yelling and swearing. it doesn't make any damn sense!!

(Because they're dumbass college students? ~Alora)

yeah, basically.

speaking of things that anger me, there is a certain someone on my list who is going to get extra special attention if she tries anything, because if there is one thing i do not appreciate it's messing with people's lives and minds. don't you dare try to argue it was for her good. you violated her, that's what you did. violated. raped. that's what that was. you don't think i don't know what it's like, having your thoughts and memories intruded upon by some delusional f*ck? you didn't help her, you twisted her and hurt her, and i swear, if we ever meet, i'm going to show you what it's like. for your own good.

and you know something else? hope isn't naive, it's not stupid to think that we can fix this and that all of this will end, it keeps us sane, it keeps us fighting, i would've given up a long time ago if it hadn't been for alora and the hope that i could get back to something resembling normalcy, and even know i hope even though it's crazy and stupid and will probably never happen, but i keep thinking that it might, and if i believe it might at the very least it will get me through this and dammit, what is wrong with some of you people?!?! if you're not dying or going crazy you're just giving up or going turncoat or...




...sorry.

i'm not...i don't hate any of you, and i'm not mad at any of you. it's just...some of the things i've been reading lately, they just...

i don't know. i don't even know.

sometimes i want to punch a wall and i'm not even sure why.

was i always like this? was i always this angry?

i hope not. i'm not sure i like angry me. he's...sort of...

what am i capable of exactly?

i need a drink. or something. but i can't get drunk because that would be stupid. and alora's still a minor, so she doesn't have any form of alcohol. damn.

(The usual, then? Coffee, two packets instant? ~Alora)

...we have been spending way too much time together. people are going to think we're an item or something.

i should probably try to get some sleep. or have that coffee, either way.

-daniel