Monday, March 21, 2011

back at college

feeling much better now.

hi guys.

sorry about how i've been acting lately.

i was upset. actually upset is the wrong word. i'm pretty sure i discovered what slow, painful death feels like. i just...lost interest. in everything. nothing seemed worth it anymore.

fortunately i have a very stubborn friend who wouldn't stop talking to me, even if i wasn't saying anything back.

i think i finally snapped when she started crying. yes, i made alora cry. please don't beat me up. i still feel terrible about it.

this is basically what she said before the tears started:

"i don't know entirely what you're going through, man, but do you think you're the only one who feels alone? i know what it's like. i can't tell anyone about this, not my parents, not my brother, anyone. you're the only person who knows what this is like. you're the only person i can talk to. and what, you're just going to leave, too? [she starts tearing up here] jeff's gone, darby's gone, chester and vivi are gone, now you too? i can't loose anyone else, daniel, you can't just... [then the sobbing starts]"

honestly, i think alora's the most forgiving person on the planet, because she's not mad at me after all the crap i put her through. she's been so emotionally strained lately, and i just shut her out, not even thinking that it would effect her so much. i didn't even realize...

it hurts. it still hurts. but i'm going to have to move past that. for her.

thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. again, sorry about my behavior.

but none of this changes what will happen to redlight if he gets near me.



  1. like i said, glad to see you back. ^_^

    we're all in the same boat now, man. you get kicked down, get back up, and push on, and maybe you get the chance to stop the assholes from kicking you or anyone else again. until that chance comes, all you can do is keep going.

  2. thanks, hakurei. i intend to keep going, but... it wrong of me to think that if all of this ends...if we beat this...that i might be able to see her again...?

    i don't know. sometimes i don't even know where my thoughts are going. they just sort of wander off without me, thinking crazy things like that. i don't even know where she is. there are still these huge gaps left, i probably couldnt' find her if i tried, and...

    and now i'm just rambling. because this is what it's like inside my head all day. alora says i need a diary or something...yeah, like that'll happen.

    (OI! It's a good idea! ~Alora)

  3. it's not wrong at all. in fact, it's good to have something to hope for. ^^

    and a diary is definitely an good idea. just try to avoid mad scribblings and drawings, a'ight? =P